How do you network without it feeling gross?

The discomfort usually comes from framing networking as extraction, approaching people you barely know to ask for something they have no reason to give. The reframe that works is straightforward: be genuinely useful, be visible in the places your field gathers, and stay in periodic contact with people you already know rather than cold-approaching strangers at events. Sending someone an article relevant to a problem they mentioned, making an introduction between two people who should know each other, or answering a question in a professional forum builds the same relationships without the transactional posture.

The empirical basis for taking this seriously is Mark Granovetter's finding on the strength of weak ties, which showed that people more often found jobs through acquaintances than through close friends. The reason is information overlap: your close circle knows what you know and moves in the same spaces, while acquaintances sit in different networks with access to openings and context you would never encounter. That argues for breadth and light maintenance over intensity, a periodic check-in with many people rather than deep cultivation of a few. Two practical mechanics: ask for advice rather than jobs, since advice is easy to give and often produces the referral anyway, and follow up on what you were told, because reporting back that someone's suggestion worked is the single most memorable thing you can do.